For years, I have focused so much on my looks that my confidence only got lower. I would get so embarrassed and shy when I was out in public. I hated meeting new people and would always feel like if there was someone pretty, that I wasn’t worthy enough to talk to them.
I still get these feelings occasionally and I think I will always be shy around new people, but I have gotten so far with my feelings about how I look lately. I really don’t care if other people see a funny picture of me on Instagram or Snapchat. I don’t think I’m extremely pretty, but I’ve come to the realization that it’s what’s on the inside that counts (cheesy, I know!). I’ve been focusing a lot more on being a nicer, better person and friend that I don’t really have time to think about how self conscience I am.
Most of this changed when I was on a school trip to Italy and Greece over the Easter break. We were paired up with another school which meant being stuck with a bunch of strangers for two weeks. I was sort of petrified because immediately I figured they were putting all of their focus on me and judging me (I mean, who doesn’t do that when they are in a new country? jk!). We went to a disco, or teen dance, on night in Greece and there was some…interesting dancing going on that I wasn’t all too comfortable with. I went along with it, feeling very out of my comfort zone (not in a good way) and completely not myself. I came back to my room feeling sort of deflated.
The next night, we happened to go to another one. About ten minutes into it I was still trying to be cool, and not myself because I was worried I would make a fool out of myself. Then it hit me. Wasn’t I here to have fun? Wasn’t this my vacation, too? With that, I let my “cool” barrier drop and let loose. I was bringing out all of my favourite moves from when I would dance with my best friends back home, including the “Spider-Man” and my own version of an African dance. I knew some of the kids I didn’t know thought that I was weird (I know I am!) but I was having way more fun being myself than last nights version. Some kids even joined me and cheered me on.
That night, I went back to my room on an adrenaline rush. I was so happy. It was around two in the morning and I couldn’t fall asleep at all. I had so much fun and the best part was, that I was completely me.
Have you ever found yourself trying to be someone you weren’t only to have a miserable time?